1) I hated sleep.
2) I had enjoyed my life enough.
3) I couldn't live without tension.
4) I wanted to pay for my sins.
5) I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : karm karo , phal ki ichha na karo. (Just keep on working, and don't expect anything)
6) Everything in life has a reason; i wanted to prove it wrong.
7) I wanted to take revenge on myself.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
One liner....!!!!
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had
never heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an
admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not
invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I
will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete
your engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But
you know, these cricket matches and football
world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.
So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took
4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I
will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,
thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think
they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be
banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never
thought I would complete it. In fact, when i
flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'
education itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms
have you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my
current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have
experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet
in German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a
higher version than VB. I heard very soon they
are coming up with a new language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e
times they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.
Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining
BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know
Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to
dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And
very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not
have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear
t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so
as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer
US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in
China in the current year, I don't mind
going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't
have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to ********
The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of ********
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had
never heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an
admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not
invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I
will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete
your engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But
you know, these cricket matches and football
world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.
So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took
4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I
will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,
thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think
they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be
banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never
thought I would complete it. In fact, when i
flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'
education itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms
have you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my
current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have
experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet
in German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a
higher version than VB. I heard very soon they
are coming up with a new language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e
times they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.
Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining
BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know
Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to
dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And
very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not
have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear
t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so
as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer
US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in
China in the current year, I don't mind
going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't
have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to ********
The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of ********
Politically correct jOkEs
The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:
'I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of
everything.'
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my
condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs.. I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that...
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
============ ========= ========= ========= ====
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the bar man, 'Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?'
The bar man says 'Yep, that's them.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Hello, what are you guys doing?'
Bush says, 'We're planning world war 3'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
And Vajpayee says, 'Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.'
And the guy exclaimed, 'A bicycle repairman?!! !'
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!'
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
Pakistani on the moon:
Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: ....... Problem Solved!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: 'You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl'.
The man says: 'But I am not a New Yorker!'
Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
'Brave American saves life of little girl' the policeman answers.
'But I am not an American!' - says the man. Oh, what are you then?'
The man says: 'I am a Pakistani!'
The next day the newspapers say: 'Extremist kills innocent American dog '
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
'I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of
everything.'
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my
condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs.. I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that...
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
============ ========= ========= ========= ====
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the bar man, 'Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?'
The bar man says 'Yep, that's them.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Hello, what are you guys doing?'
Bush says, 'We're planning world war 3'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
And Vajpayee says, 'Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.'
And the guy exclaimed, 'A bicycle repairman?!! !'
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!'
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
Pakistani on the moon:
Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: ....... Problem Solved!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: 'You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl'.
The man says: 'But I am not a New Yorker!'
Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
'Brave American saves life of little girl' the policeman answers.
'But I am not an American!' - says the man. Oh, what are you then?'
The man says: 'I am a Pakistani!'
The next day the newspapers say: 'Extremist kills innocent American dog '
============ ========= ========= ========= =====
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Bollywood, Tollywood and Kollywood
See what your favorite superstars can do:
Bollywood Badhshah Shahrukh Khan
Shahrukh ,the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball........ .......
Bowler bowls it and Shahrukh glides it to 3rd man......... .....the ball goes to boundary line Shahrukh runs for 3 runs, fielder throws at non-striker it misses the stumps and goes for over-throw, ShahRukh runs again for 3 , this time fielder tactic fully throws at Keepers end, Keeper Misses it goes for a 4 runs. In the background Vande Mathram....
Shahruk WINS the match....... ......... ......... ......... .
Tollywood Tiger - Cheeru
Cheeru ,the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball........ .......
Bowler bowls it and Cheeru hits with tremendous power....... .......the ball goes far away and UMPIRES are forced to give 12 runs for that.
Cheeru WINS the match....... ......... ......... ......... .
Kollywood King - Rajni
Rajni ,the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball........ .......
Bowler bowls it and Rajini hits with tremendous power....... .......the ball splits into "TWO"
1 half goes to SIX.....The other half goes to FOUR........ .....
Rajini WINS the match....... ......... ......... ......... .
Bollywood Badhshah Shahrukh Khan
Shahrukh ,the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball........ .......
Bowler bowls it and Shahrukh glides it to 3rd man......... .....the ball goes to boundary line Shahrukh runs for 3 runs, fielder throws at non-striker it misses the stumps and goes for over-throw, ShahRukh runs again for 3 , this time fielder tactic fully throws at Keepers end, Keeper Misses it goes for a 4 runs. In the background Vande Mathram....
Shahruk WINS the match....... ......... ......... ......... .
Tollywood Tiger - Cheeru
Cheeru ,the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball........ .......
Bowler bowls it and Cheeru hits with tremendous power....... .......the ball goes far away and UMPIRES are forced to give 12 runs for that.
Cheeru WINS the match....... ......... ......... ......... .
Kollywood King - Rajni
Rajni ,the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball........ .......
Bowler bowls it and Rajini hits with tremendous power....... .......the ball splits into "TWO"
1 half goes to SIX.....The other half goes to FOUR........ .....
Rajini WINS the match....... ......... ......... ......... .
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